but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
