You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
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Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
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My day in three words: secret purse cake
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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