I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
