Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
