Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
