i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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