so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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