Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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