We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Enjoy the penises
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
