saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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