we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
