Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
