You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Randomize
