girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
