I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
