I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
