My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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