I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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