Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
