it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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