Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
