dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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