i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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