I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
