Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
