I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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