She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
