There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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