The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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