I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
