I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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