You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
