I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
