you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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