best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
