i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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