The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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