just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
