You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
