so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
