Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
