Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
