a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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