my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
