New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
