you will always have a special place in my vag
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
