I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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