Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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