im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
