Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize