oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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