We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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