Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
