We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
