My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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