My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
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