I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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