xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
