We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You can't just leave with hair like that
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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