I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
