If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
