My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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