I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize