i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I have tasted many bathrooms
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
