Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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