soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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