sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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