whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
