You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
