Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I can't turn off my feet"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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