Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
it's like heaven, but drunker
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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