Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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