Duck Duck Cougar?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You dont lie about slip and slides
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
