yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
