all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
