It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
