We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
