What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize