i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
