Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
