It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
